


There's a bottle of conditioner in me

by Misha_lushie



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Crack, F/M, Look At Your Life Look At Your Choices, Shower Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-11-05 15:06:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17921138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misha_lushie/pseuds/Misha_lushie
Summary: Some things happen in the shower which result in an emergency 911 call.





	There's a bottle of conditioner in me

"What should we do?!" Wash exclaimed to Carolina panicked at the situation. "I think you should call 911 they would know what to do." she responded a little panicked handing him her cell phone. "Okay" he replied a little defeated dialing the numbers on the phone before putting it on speaker. 

"911 what's your emergency?" the robotic operators voice came in through the speaker. "There's a bottle of conditioner in me." Wash replied as calmly as he could. "What?" the voice responded sounded confused and alarmed. "My wife and I belong to a wholesale club and got a really big bottle of Mother Jeffery's Male Hair Conditioner..." he started explaining to the operator. "Uh-huh" she replied concerned and confused. "We were in the shower and we put it in me, and but it went all the way in." he said avoiding saying where they put it in. "Your wife put the bottle in..." FILSS said with a sense of knowing what happened. "Um in my um, in my uh in my behind?" he said embarrassed at what he was admitting to the operator. 

"We're gonna send an ambulance, can you wait?" FILSS responded hiding a laugh. "Mm-hm yeah." Wash replied calmly. "Are you alright?" she asked still concerned. "Oh yeah yeah I was just a little surprised" he said with a little energy in his voice. "I would be surprised too." she said trying to keep in a laugh. 

Loki 2.0 meowed weaving himself between Wash's legs. "I'm sorry, one second." he said to the operator. "Sweetie can you please get the cat out of here?" he asked Carolina with a little strain in his voice. She picked up the cat and carried it out of the bathroom to the bedroom. 

"Uh the ambulance is about four minutes away." FILSS reminded trying to get his attention again. "Oh no I can really feel it." Wash said with pain in his voice. "The bottle?" FILSS asked concerned and worried. "I think I'm gonna sneeze." Wash said his voice getting raspy as he was about to sneeze. "Is that bad?" FILSS asked worried. "A-CHOO" "POP" "THUNK" "Hey it came out, Oh no where's the cap?" he said relieved and scared. "Oh there it is" he said picking up the cap from the floor. "Do you still need an ambulance?" FILSS asked curiously "No I think I'm good thanks bye" Wash said hanging up the phone. 

Walking out to the bedroom to Carolina who was holding Loki 2.0 on their bed he sat down next to her. "What happened?" she asked confused. "I sneezed and it came out." he replied relieved. "Do you just want to go to sleep now?" she asked as the cat climbed over to Wash. "Yeah I think I've had enough for tonight." he responded pulling the covers over all of them before they all went to sleep.   

**Author's Note:**

> I saw a 911 call online and decided to write about it. Here we are hope you had a laugh.


End file.
